Skin Care Diaries

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Middle School

Dear Diary,

Drew, my annoying sister, and I were watching Laguna Beach and she made me so mad. She said that I won’t ever be as tan as Kristin. I hate her! I almost called her a bitch, but that’s just too extreme. Mom and I went to Walgreens after my eye appointment and said I could get a few products to help my “break-outs” (that’s what she calls them.) I told her I want the self-tanner I saw in Seventeen but she wouldn’t let me at first. She said I could just use hers, but it smells weird! Here’s a list of what I got.

• Medium-to-Dark Self-Tanner — I look like Satine from Moulin Rouge, and that look is just not cool. I want to make sure I can get as tan as possible in time for Kayla’s pool party. I could sit outside on the patio while I do homework. Maybe that will help? I don’t wear sunscreen anyways so hopefully that helps.
• Beach Blonde Highlight Gel — Mom was also weird about it. I’ll just smear it over my curls so they crunch. I saw a girl do it on Made on MTV. I can also put some lemon or peroxide on my hair. That’s what Drew does.
• Swiss Peach Scrub — I use it in the shower after basketball practice. My skin feels super clean and it smells good! I like their ad in Seventeen.

I did not get the following at Walgreens, but stuff I’ve been thinking about and I’m going to ask mom about later.

• Blue Contacts — Dr. Binder said the lenses don’t fit my eyes. What does that even mean? I saw the commercial on TV and it worked for those people!
• Benzoyl Peroxide Acne System — Also saw the TV commercial. It sounds effective and Jessica Simpson was in it talking about how well it works.

Ugh, I wish my acne was better and my hair just looked normal. Not just normal, but cool normal.

The Early Thirties

Dear Diary,

I am freaking out. I forgot to wear sunscreen yesterday when I left the house. The skin on my left arm was exposed to the sun for a full forty minutes, unprotected! It’s either going to make my freckled arm rougher or get skin cancer. Both are terrible outcomes. I’ve nailed down my routine in an easy step-by-step that only costs about $500 a month. I know I only make $75,000 a year, but whatever it takes! I followed sixteen different beauty bloggers, read at least twenty “Best-Of” lists, and spent hours online shopping. Below is what I need to do to maintain.

1. Oil Face Wash — Oil-based is preferred to wipe away my BB Cream, foundation, and powder. The “natural” look actually takes A LOT of makeup.
2. Second Water-Based Face Wash — More water is better and it smells like roses. Even though I’m desperate for oil, I have to wash off the first cleanser or else I’ll get zits, and there are far too many memories with zits.
3. Jojoba Exfoliator — Must get rid of all that dead skin, but don’t scrub too hard, or else you’ll stress out the biome. I did trial-and-error, and twelve and 1/4 of a second is ideal.
4. Salicylic Acid Toner — I don’t understand why, but everyone says it’s necessary. It stings and cleans so it’s working, right? So much gunk on this square, or is that just the shade of the liquid?
5. Night Time Eye Cream — I’ve never had crows’ feet, but any day now.
6. Anti-Oxidant Serum — The absolute most expensive thing. It smells good, and I smear this all over my forehead. $100 per jar, but it is worth it. There’s gotta be like ten snails in there.
7. Clay Mask — All I know is that it gets out the dirt that the toner missed. It’s a must-have according to an Australian beauty blogger on YouTube and two different women’s magazines, so I have-it.
8. Sheet Mask — Oh actually, I think this is the one that has snail in it. To be worn on the couch while watching Bravo. I can’t move my mouth though so my glass of wine just sits on my coffee table and I stare at it longingly.
9. Sunscreen — I have four different kinds, in every bag, vehicle, and bathroom.
10. Moisturizer –I need all the moisture I can get right now. I turned thirty last year, and what if I just stop producing? What if another wrinkle shows up? I’m addicted.

I’m doing my part to slow my aging now so I look cute later. Is that influencer I love doing Botox? Maybe!? I’m going to investigate for peace of mind.